Regrets

I had an interesting conversation with someone I just met at a party earlier this evening. He asked me if I had ever been married and I answered, "no." He looked genuinely shocked. I've seen this reaction on more than one man's face and knew he wouldn't let my simple "no" be the end of this line of questioning. He pressed on and said he "couldn't believe that" and "how did that happen" and all the usual things that men with his reaction say. You see he assumes, as most men do, that I've been dying to get married but haven't been able to capture a man and that's where his shock comes in because he is currently thinking that I am fabulous. Which, of course, I am. ;-)

I explained that I'd been close to getting married several times but that I always seem to get cold feet. His face changed and he sipped his drink as he considered this. When he was ready to speak again he just said, "Oh. Do you ever wonder about those men you were close to marrying? Do you regret that you didn't marry them? Do you think of what your life might be like if you had?"

Such profound questions from someone I do not know! I answered that wondering what your life might have been like if you'd taken a different path is akin to daydreaming but actually knowing that if you had it all to do over again you'd make a different choice is regret. And I do not have any regrets. He was surprised by this too. Until I elaborated that I like the person that I am - I am comfortable with myself - and I am this person because of the choices that I've made. Both good and bad. I wouldn't go back and change those choices because I'd be changing me and I like me as I am right now. I have, however, learned from the choices I've made in the past and I'll hopefully be wiser in the future but I wouldn't have that wisdom without my previous choices.

He mulled over everything I'd said and agreed. Although he is several years older than I, he said he is only now finding out who he is. He wishes he had made different choices in his past so he could have discovered things about himself years ago. It's interesting how conditioned we all are to want certain things and to follow a certain path. Despite the conditioning from society and my surroundings I have always marched to the beat of my own drummer. As such, I have usually taken a different path than the one others would choose for me or that they would choose for themselves. Often family and friends are perplexed by my choices or look upon me with sympathy when they view things as having worked out poorly. But, I have no regrets and on the occasions that I look back it is with fondness and gratefulness for how things have turned out. I've learned something from each choice I've made and the bolder and riskier the choice - or the "worse" it's turned out - the greater the reward in the experience I've had and what I've learned about who I am and what makes me happy. It's striking that those that stayed on the well traveled path should seem so lost, full of regret, and envious of choices I made.