Reflections

Looking back on my trip, as I have the past couple days, I've noticed a few moments stand out more than others. On Friday morning I was in a restaurant on my own, awaiting my breakfast and reading a book. The hostess seated an elderly couple next to me. I could hear their conversation and it made me smile. They were both in their mid-70's and she was quiet, subdued, and proper. While he was jovial, given to bursts of big laughter, and sometimes spoke a little too loudly. He tried to make sure she was comfortable and was genuinely interested in everything she had to say. They were on their first date. He told her about trips he'd been on "back in '65" and she told him about going to similar places. They talked of former spouses and how hard it was to lose them but he tried to keep the conversation moving in a positive direction. When they left it was obvious they'd had a nice time and would probably see each other again.

I realize that I, too, am that optimistic. I believe in love, I believe in making sacrifices to keep it, and I believe in trying to find it even when life has thrown you curves. I also know I'll be more like that gentleman than like that lady when I'm their age. I'm certain my "strong personality" as some would refer to it won't change in time. I'll still be laughing and talking too loudly in public places when I'm 80. But to me the important part of that thought is that I'll be laughing when I'm 80. And, while I can often be quiet, subdued, and proper just as she was I don't think at 80 I'll want to be those things anymore. I think I'll want to live loudly at that stage of my life.

I spoke of this journey as being a way to remind myself of who I am and who I hope to become. When I first set out I thought I'd get on the path to finding myself for sure. In defining - if only to myself - who I am. That's a question we rarely ask ourselves, let alone each other. We often concentrate on what someone does or whom one knows as opposed to who they are. I KNOW who I am now. I've begun to speak to myself with that internal dialogue we all need in order to find our place in the world. Somewhere along the way, over the past couple years, I'd stopped listening to it. But, now I can hear it clearly. I hope I do not lose my way again but I'm confident if I do, I'll find my way back. I am, at my core, an optimist.