Introspection

I came home yesterday, well technically today, I got in past midnight. I was pretty sure on Thursday that I needed to head home and Friday really cinched it. I needed some medicine I'd left at home and I also discovered that when I'm introspective I'm also insensitive to others. Which is not something I'm proud of but at least I'm aware enough that I realized it.

While the slights I've given to friends and family were all unintentional, I do feel bad about them and am genuinely sorry. All of those have to do with not having any forethought about a situation or with not listening enough when you needed me. Once again, I am sorry for each instance and can't apologize enough. However, the thing I most regret was making a blind man - a stranger to me - feel uncomfortable. Normally, I am sensitive to my surroundings and try to put others at ease. I'm known both professionally and in my family for being able to smooth over a situation. Mostly that's because I pay attention to others and try and put myself in their position. As I've been introspective I seem to have lost that ability - I'm so wrapped up in my own head that these things are not occurring to me.

I'd gone into the Gulf Island National Seashore Welcome Center to look around and maybe buy some postcards. The man behind the counter was dressed in a uniform - I assume a National Park's one - and said hello. I replied in kind and didn't think much of the fact that he seemed more interested in something behind the counter than in me. I looked at everything, found the postcards that I wanted, and made my way back to the counter. At the counter I found another brochure I wanted to look at and I continued browsing. The man asked if I needed help with something. I told him I needed to know the date for something and he got up to find a calendar. After a brief conversation I told him I was "ready to pay for this stuff." He then moved over to the cash register but didn't take my postcards. After a few moments he asked me what I had and I told him. Then the cash register started to speak in a computer voice as he typed in my purchases. I STILL didn't get that the man was blind! When he came back to me to get the money I didn't hold it anywhere near him! He then had to say to me, "Miss?" with such a pained expression that I felt about an inch tall. It dawned on me then. How freaking stupid - or oblivious - could I be? I gave him the money and made sure to take my change in such a way that it didn't drop. But the discomfort he felt was palpable and it was my fault. All of the signs were there - it was obvious looking back - I was just too self-absorbed to notice.

It was then that I was positive I didn't want to be on the road anymore - or really around anyone else for a bit. I have some things I need to sort out in my own head and I don't want to cause any grief to anyone else while I do it.