Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Family Feud

Now, if you know me at all you know I love to play games. Not the drama filled psycho manipulative ones the family fun board type or video. As luck would have it I have a plethora of siblings that feel the same way. So, last night it was my Dad's b-day and we played the newest Monopoly. It has debit cards and no cash. It was quite amusing. Especially since I made several jokes about my brother being an Enron accountant. Everything costs a lot more - like in the millions - and I ended up going bankrupt. But, it was Dad's birthday so he should have won anyway.

BTW, he is really my step-father not my father. But he did all the things that Dads do - like teaching me to drive, complaining about how much time I spent on the phone or in the bathroom as a teenager, and has always been there for me. Up to and including last week when I called home to say I wouldn't be moving to Connecticut. He answered that he thought I'd made the right decision because I'd earn more money and Clark Kent and I would have time to make sure things were right. He added that he thought things were working out for the best and I'd end up with Clark Kent if I was supposed to - if he deserved me. But he also spoke the magic words sometimes every girl wants to hear; "I'll fill Mom in on everything." I just wanted to clarify that he is my Dad but he is not the father I referred to in an earlier post that committed adultery.

So, I'm having a great time in New York playing Monopoly with the family and sporadically listening to an audio book I picked up before coming here. It's called The Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman. I heard about it from a few friends at a dinner in Raleigh on Friday night and like usual I picked it up. Yes, I seriously do read the books that people suggest. It seems two or three people at the table had already read it so I figured it must have something to offer. The principle is fairly simple there are five different languages that make people feel loved. Not all of us speak the same primary language. What I might have as my primary language might not make you feel loved at all and vice versa. The five languages are: Words of Affirmation (compliments, kind words, words of appreciation, "I love you"), Gifts (have to be specific to show you were thinking of the person), Quality Time (spending time doing an activity or talking focusing your attention on the other person), Acts of Service (doing something to assist someone else - to make their life easier), and Physical Touch (hugs, pats on the back, touches in general). After listening to this book I was able to determine that I am what is called bi-lingual. Meaning I have two love languages that make me feel most loved and when I don't get them I feel unloved. My two are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. I feel most loved when spending time with people I care about - when they make time for me I feel special and like they care. I feel closest to them when I do an activity or have a conversation with them. I also realized that if I get nothing but criticism all the time in the world is meaningless for I also need words of affirmation. The book also describes how to give others love in their primary language once you determine what it is, and how they will feel more loved by you if you do so.

I considered individual family and friends and was able to spot the primary love language of many of them. Others were harder. One person I contemplated was my youngest brother. He's fifteen and a little hard to figure out. I was thinking of him today as I was listening to a section on siblings. The book says when you find someone's primary love language they will often thank you with a note or with kind words. They will feel so loved and appreciated their primary love language will be easy to spot. I got back to the house after running errands and there was a note on the kitchen table from my youngest brother. The note said how much he enjoyed playing Monopoly last night and how he hoped I wasn't leaving too soon. I knew then that he, like me, is a Quality Time person.

So, I went upstairs to his messy teenage room. He broke into a smile when he saw me. I think he thought I might leave without saying goodbye. We talked for a bit and then I asked if he wanted to play a round of Family Feud on the computer. He said he'd forgotten all about it - we'd played last time I was home - but definitely. We had a great time. The questions in Family Feud are sometimes harder than you think. "Name a bird most people dislike. Top Three Answers on the Board." We cracked ourselves up with talking about the game. And we talked about family stuff and our individual lives. In the end I totally kicked his butt. But, I didn't rub it in and it wouldn't have mattered to me if I'd lost. For although there are twenty years between us I felt close to him and I felt loved and I venture to think he did too.

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