Wii

I received a Wii for Christmas and it is an easy way to lose some time. One thing it does do that I didn't realize until just now is keep track of how much time is played. I just spent 2 hours playing a variety of games and I'd have sworn it was only 45 minutes. I love my new game system. I also love my new Simpsons game for Wii. Big thanks to my brother for that game - it rocks!

E-Z Pass

I got an E-Z Pass and used it on my trip to New York for Christmas. I had so looked forward to getting an E-Z Pass that my reaction to having one surprised me. I enjoyed using it on the NJ Turnpike. Most of those toll takers are unpleasant. I missed the bridge toll takers in NY though. That was always a signal that I was almost home and a good battery recharge. A pleasant exchange with a bridge toll taker and a warm wish for a happy holiday. I throughly enjoyed using my E-Z Pass on the way back to NC and used it at each toll but I considered what I'd do my next trip. I think next time I will use the E-Z Pass lanes most of the time but every now and then I'll go through a bridge toll the old fashioned way and pay cash.

Bhutto

I was saddened today by the death of a famous person. I felt this same way when Fred Rogers died but Mr. Rogers was a part of my everyday life from a very small age - and he taught me some important lessons about sharing, believing in myself, and tolerating siblings. Lessons I needed when I was very young. But this is not a feeling I have had often. I am not enamored with fame. I have never sought it myself and don't really understand the motivation of people that do. Thus, usually when someone famous dies I feel the equivalent of when someone mentions that their family member, whom I've never met, has passed away. Empathetic for the pain of the surviving family members and hopeful that the person in question enjoyed their life. All very detached, I'll admit, but perfectly appropriate, in my opinion.

Today was different - today I felt a personal loss for I viewed Benazir Bhutto as a shining example of all that one could be. What one life could mean, not only to the individual but to their family, community, and the world. And most inspiring, she represented what one woman could be in the face of male oppression - that women can have just as much intelligence, drive, strength, and influence as a man. I know she had flaws, as we all do, but I was inspired by her returning to Pakistan, and potential peril, to try and help her countrymen and maybe make up for past mistakes. The world will be a different place without her and most likely worse because of her assassination.

Why should you care what happens in Pakistan? Watch this YouTube video - it's from Canada but the same applies to the U.S. (if not more so since Bhutto was killed for "being an agent of the U.S.")

Definition of Insanity

One definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. We've all been there - that moment of clarity when one realizes their own temporary insanity. When it eventually dawns on you the patterns of your own behavior you feel foolish at first. But, then you realize you can go in another direction by changing your own behavior. I had such a moment of clarity today and feel as if this is the greatest Christmas present I've ever received. I also feel like all the events of the past year have led to this moment of clarity. I will change my own behavior moving forward and stop the insanity. The only thing one really can change is oneself and all the other changes are just ripples from that stone cast in the water.

'Tis the Passive Agressive Season

I have been invited to several holiday parties and at this point I've attended four of them. There have been several stand out moments and all have related to other people and how they treat each other. It seems that some people are so entrenched in their behavior they no longer know what is inappropriate at a party. For instance I was seated beside a couple at a dinner party the other night. They were pleasant enough and all of us were conversing about various topics, including their two small boys. Then the woman got up from the table and returned with some more food. Her husband proceeded to comment on how she did not need seconds. She politely tried to get him to refrain from saying anything further but he wouldn't leave it alone and actually said, "I forgot you're eating for two even though the other is 12 lbs." Now this woman looked lovely for having just had a baby two months ago and was most likely breast feeding. But her husband did not realize that his passive aggressive behavior was not only uncomfortable for the rest of us but also ineffective. For, when the woman went to get dessert she got two.

I wish I could say this was the only incident of rude behavior between two people that should be each others biggest fans. But alas, the party circuit showed other examples too shameful to mention. It made me wonder if some of these experiences were meant to show me how thankful I should be. This is my favorite time of year, no matter what is going on in my life, I love December. I find Christmas a positive experience that I always look forward to and am always filled with optimistic expectations for the New Year. I've found that this year those sentiments are especially true and I'm thankful for that.

Regrets

I had an interesting conversation with someone I just met at a party earlier this evening. He asked me if I had ever been married and I answered, "no." He looked genuinely shocked. I've seen this reaction on more than one man's face and knew he wouldn't let my simple "no" be the end of this line of questioning. He pressed on and said he "couldn't believe that" and "how did that happen" and all the usual things that men with his reaction say. You see he assumes, as most men do, that I've been dying to get married but haven't been able to capture a man and that's where his shock comes in because he is currently thinking that I am fabulous. Which, of course, I am. ;-)

I explained that I'd been close to getting married several times but that I always seem to get cold feet. His face changed and he sipped his drink as he considered this. When he was ready to speak again he just said, "Oh. Do you ever wonder about those men you were close to marrying? Do you regret that you didn't marry them? Do you think of what your life might be like if you had?"

Such profound questions from someone I do not know! I answered that wondering what your life might have been like if you'd taken a different path is akin to daydreaming but actually knowing that if you had it all to do over again you'd make a different choice is regret. And I do not have any regrets. He was surprised by this too. Until I elaborated that I like the person that I am - I am comfortable with myself - and I am this person because of the choices that I've made. Both good and bad. I wouldn't go back and change those choices because I'd be changing me and I like me as I am right now. I have, however, learned from the choices I've made in the past and I'll hopefully be wiser in the future but I wouldn't have that wisdom without my previous choices.

He mulled over everything I'd said and agreed. Although he is several years older than I, he said he is only now finding out who he is. He wishes he had made different choices in his past so he could have discovered things about himself years ago. It's interesting how conditioned we all are to want certain things and to follow a certain path. Despite the conditioning from society and my surroundings I have always marched to the beat of my own drummer. As such, I have usually taken a different path than the one others would choose for me or that they would choose for themselves. Often family and friends are perplexed by my choices or look upon me with sympathy when they view things as having worked out poorly. But, I have no regrets and on the occasions that I look back it is with fondness and gratefulness for how things have turned out. I've learned something from each choice I've made and the bolder and riskier the choice - or the "worse" it's turned out - the greater the reward in the experience I've had and what I've learned about who I am and what makes me happy. It's striking that those that stayed on the well traveled path should seem so lost, full of regret, and envious of choices I made.

Decorations of Red...

Okay, so not all of the decorations are red and they are not all on a green Christmas tree but I put up my Christmas decorations today. I love Christmas lights and I bought a fancy timer to make sure when I get home to my Charlotte abode my lights are on. They will also be on sometimes when I'm not at home. I'm sneaky like that. It wasn't that much work and my place looks fantastic! It is so festive it has really put me in the mood for Christmas even if the weather is supposed to warm up. I also put up some neat white lights around my kitchen that look so cool I think I'm going to leave them up even after Christmas. At least until I get sick of them, which I'm not sure will happen. It looks like an Italian restaurant in there now. Soothing ambiance reminiscent of good memories. Hmm...tidings of comfort and joy could last a long time.