Usually when I ask a question it is because I wish to know the answer, the true answer. My evening last night clearly illustrates why more people, especially men, should give a true answer when asked a question. To further my point:
Let's say you are asked a direct question, such as “Have you read any of his books?” or “Do you find him funny?” You should answer with the truth, and if the answer is "no" you should say "no." You should not say “Uh-huh. I certainly do. I’d absolutely love to go with you.”
Here are some reasons why:
1. Your date will assume that you have answered truthfully and that you know the kind of author you are going to listen to for a few hours. Your dishonesty may get you more than you bargained for.
2. When, over dinner, the truth is revealed that you have no idea whom the author you are about to go see is, your date will inevitably have to make a choice. To clue you in about who the author is and what the show will be like or to let you suffer the consequences of your transgression. (Hint: Most women dislike being lied to and will let you suffer the consequences of your ignorance.)
3. Your date may assume you were smart enough to Google the author you lied about having read and will continue on as if you did so. When it becomes clear that you did not Google the author your date will not only think you are untruthful but also ignorant of technology.
4. You may very well end up with an unflattering nickname.
5. Your lack of truthfulness and leering glances over dinner will ensure a nickname with a double meaning.
6. If you lie about knowing something you should be prepared for anything. Say a packed sold-out theater full of lots of gay men, groups of women, and a small smattering of couples. They all know what to expect. While you glance around, shift uncomfortably in your chair, and attempt to pump your date for clues. (Which she will not give.)
7. Your date will laugh uproariously at the incredibly vulgar, dirty joke the author tells within the first five minutes. While you will squirm in horror. (FYI, she laughed even harder at your discomfort than at the joke itself.) There will be a lot of humor involving homosexuality and your date, along with everyone else in the theater, will laugh and laugh. You will again be quite uncomfortable.
8. The less you laugh the more your date will wish she had sold your ticket to a random gay man.
9. When you finally loosen up and decide to find the humor in the author’s readings you will both laugh at the same things. You will think the camaraderie of shared laughter is great and may lead to something more. She will still think about how much fun it would have been to come with someone else.
10. At the end of the evening, you will think your lying was successful in getting you closer to someone you know through a similar circle. You will be incorrect and it will be awkward. And, at the end of the evening when she says, “sure maybe I’ll see you at that meeting on Monday” you will recognize that look – turns out you're not the only one who can tell a lie.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Annoying New Yorkers
Last night, for the first time, I encountered an Annoying New Yorker. The ANY's are the ones that make citizens in all parts of the country cringe when anyone answers the question, "so, where are you from?" with "New York." The ANY's have always been an enigma to me, I'd heard mad cap tales of them but I'd never met one myself. I also found it very judgmental and rude of others to assume just because I'm from NY that my company is less than desirable. That is until last night, when I met an ANY in the flesh and had to endure the torture of being around her.
It was supposed to be a simple dinner at an overpriced chain Chinese restaurant. (Any guesses on which one?) But, alas it turned out to be two of the more difficult hours of my life. There were four of us at the table. I had been invited by a nice man, whom I do not know well, and there were two other people there that I did not know at all. You'd think that would make for interesting conversation by the sheer fact of getting to know one another. Conversation, however, was almost impossible. The ANY, a woman I had never met, could not stop talking and couldn't tolerate the fact that anyone would want to talk about anything not related to New York. I had answered the obligatory "where are you from" question with the truth and she immediately thought we were two peas in a pod, much to my chagrin. She related every conversation back to NY, dismissed any talk of pleasant local restaurants or entertainment, and often winked at me whenever she said something derogatory regarding our table mates' opinions. More than once I wanted to skulk away from the table never to return. I changed the subject numerous times and tried valiantly to engage my other dinner companions in conversation. She would snort with derision at their answers, offer her suggestion on how they could really get a life if they'd go to NY, and then change the subject back to something that suited her.
Finally, after our plates had been cleared and dinner was done one of the other diners turned to her and asked, "why don't you live in NY anymore? Why don't you go back?" She answered that she would in heartbeat but the cost of living was so high. Proceeding to go on in detail about how it was so much better than any other place on earth except for that. I told her to take it from me that she was missing out on a lot of great experiences in life and she needed to adjust her expectations. To which she replied that she had no desire to do any such thing.
She will certainly miss out on a lot because I for one won't ask her to join me anywhere and I doubt too many other people will either. I can now see why so many people are horrified after an experience with an ANY. But, I'd caution people everywhere not to judge all New Yorkers by those experiences anymore than you'd want us to judge you through an ANY's eyes. Most people love the place where they grew up - it's home to them - and if they are open to hearing all of the wonderful things about your hometown, you should be open to learning about theirs, even if it is harsh, critical, old New York.
It was supposed to be a simple dinner at an overpriced chain Chinese restaurant. (Any guesses on which one?) But, alas it turned out to be two of the more difficult hours of my life. There were four of us at the table. I had been invited by a nice man, whom I do not know well, and there were two other people there that I did not know at all. You'd think that would make for interesting conversation by the sheer fact of getting to know one another. Conversation, however, was almost impossible. The ANY, a woman I had never met, could not stop talking and couldn't tolerate the fact that anyone would want to talk about anything not related to New York. I had answered the obligatory "where are you from" question with the truth and she immediately thought we were two peas in a pod, much to my chagrin. She related every conversation back to NY, dismissed any talk of pleasant local restaurants or entertainment, and often winked at me whenever she said something derogatory regarding our table mates' opinions. More than once I wanted to skulk away from the table never to return. I changed the subject numerous times and tried valiantly to engage my other dinner companions in conversation. She would snort with derision at their answers, offer her suggestion on how they could really get a life if they'd go to NY, and then change the subject back to something that suited her.
Finally, after our plates had been cleared and dinner was done one of the other diners turned to her and asked, "why don't you live in NY anymore? Why don't you go back?" She answered that she would in heartbeat but the cost of living was so high. Proceeding to go on in detail about how it was so much better than any other place on earth except for that. I told her to take it from me that she was missing out on a lot of great experiences in life and she needed to adjust her expectations. To which she replied that she had no desire to do any such thing.
She will certainly miss out on a lot because I for one won't ask her to join me anywhere and I doubt too many other people will either. I can now see why so many people are horrified after an experience with an ANY. But, I'd caution people everywhere not to judge all New Yorkers by those experiences anymore than you'd want us to judge you through an ANY's eyes. Most people love the place where they grew up - it's home to them - and if they are open to hearing all of the wonderful things about your hometown, you should be open to learning about theirs, even if it is harsh, critical, old New York.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Lack of Blogs
I have written several things over the past few months that aren't really fit for sharing. Or they aren't at the moment anyway. So, that is where I've been - dealing with a tumultuous summer and writing things I don't wish to share. But, I decided to put this grief filled summer behind me and begin again. So, here's to a fantastic fall!
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