There is a black and white picture that sits in a photo collage created by my great-grandmother. It is a picture of my grandparents, circa early 1950's. They are quite young, early 20's, if that, and they are holding each other turned slightly to the camera and they are both smiling their genuine smiles. They look very happy, like they are about to go on an adventure and all they need is each other. I have been fascinated by that photograph since I was a young girl, maybe five or six, and stayed at with my great-grandmother, Nana, for the night. I could hardly take my eyes off it and couldn't believe that those two people in the picture were my Grammie and Grandpa. I must have asked a million questions about that photograph until Nana, normally a very patient woman, said she wouldn't answer anymore questions about it. Not only is it a beautiful moment captured in time but it has always been the symbol of life for me. I grasped, in that weekend, that everyone starts out a certain way and life ages, and changes, a person. It made me dread growing older but it also made me admire my grandparents in a whole other way.
My Grandpa passed away today. It wasn't entirely unexpected but it has still left me grieving. He was amazing but also so common. He was stern, unyielding, and sometimes unkind but he was also generous, supportive, and the most positive male influence for much of my life. He believed in me when I didn't believe in myself and he always took the time, often on the sly, to let me know he thought I could do whatever it was I was doubting myself about. Some of my fondest memories of childhood center around him. Him coming home from work on an average summer day while I was playing in his front yard. Or overnights at his house and kissing him goodnight as he snored on the couch. Campouts in his backyard, jumping off the dock in New Hampshire into his waiting arms, playing wiffle ball in Massena, and learning about baseball by watching Mets games with him. So many of the things I learned before I left home I learned from him. And oh so many more he taught me once I was on my own and floundering as I tried to be a grown-up. He offered great advice and I wish I'd heeded more of it.
He was an average guy by so many standards but to me he was so much larger than his 6' frame. He didn't express love in words very easily but he knew how to give a hug that let you know you were loved. He led an admirable life if only for the fact that he's so greatly missed. He was once full of dreams, hopes, and aspirations that photograph is proof of that. But he made choices in life and altered courses for his family and did things that many didn't like and many others loved. He lived a life and made the best of it.
He helped to make me the person that I am and I will miss him, and his guidance, beyond measure.
