Usually when I ask a question it is because I wish to know the answer, the true answer. My evening last night clearly illustrates why more people, especially men, should give a true answer when asked a question. To further my point:
Let's say you are asked a direct question, such as “Have you read any of his books?” or “Do you find him funny?” You should answer with the truth, and if the answer is "no" you should say "no." You should not say “Uh-huh. I certainly do. I’d absolutely love to go with you.”
Here are some reasons why:
1. Your date will assume that you have answered truthfully and that you know the kind of author you are going to listen to for a few hours. Your dishonesty may get you more than you bargained for.
2. When, over dinner, the truth is revealed that you have no idea whom the author you are about to go see is, your date will inevitably have to make a choice. To clue you in about who the author is and what the show will be like or to let you suffer the consequences of your transgression. (Hint: Most women dislike being lied to and will let you suffer the consequences of your ignorance.)
3. Your date may assume you were smart enough to Google the author you lied about having read and will continue on as if you did so. When it becomes clear that you did not Google the author your date will not only think you are untruthful but also ignorant of technology.
4. You may very well end up with an unflattering nickname.
5. Your lack of truthfulness and leering glances over dinner will ensure a nickname with a double meaning.
6. If you lie about knowing something you should be prepared for anything. Say a packed sold-out theater full of lots of gay men, groups of women, and a small smattering of couples. They all know what to expect. While you glance around, shift uncomfortably in your chair, and attempt to pump your date for clues. (Which she will not give.)
7. Your date will laugh uproariously at the incredibly vulgar, dirty joke the author tells within the first five minutes. While you will squirm in horror. (FYI, she laughed even harder at your discomfort than at the joke itself.) There will be a lot of humor involving homosexuality and your date, along with everyone else in the theater, will laugh and laugh. You will again be quite uncomfortable.
8. The less you laugh the more your date will wish she had sold your ticket to a random gay man.
9. When you finally loosen up and decide to find the humor in the author’s readings you will both laugh at the same things. You will think the camaraderie of shared laughter is great and may lead to something more. She will still think about how much fun it would have been to come with someone else.
10. At the end of the evening, you will think your lying was successful in getting you closer to someone you know through a similar circle. You will be incorrect and it will be awkward. And, at the end of the evening when she says, “sure maybe I’ll see you at that meeting on Monday” you will recognize that look – turns out you're not the only one who can tell a lie.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Annoying New Yorkers
Last night, for the first time, I encountered an Annoying New Yorker. The ANY's are the ones that make citizens in all parts of the country cringe when anyone answers the question, "so, where are you from?" with "New York." The ANY's have always been an enigma to me, I'd heard mad cap tales of them but I'd never met one myself. I also found it very judgmental and rude of others to assume just because I'm from NY that my company is less than desirable. That is until last night, when I met an ANY in the flesh and had to endure the torture of being around her.
It was supposed to be a simple dinner at an overpriced chain Chinese restaurant. (Any guesses on which one?) But, alas it turned out to be two of the more difficult hours of my life. There were four of us at the table. I had been invited by a nice man, whom I do not know well, and there were two other people there that I did not know at all. You'd think that would make for interesting conversation by the sheer fact of getting to know one another. Conversation, however, was almost impossible. The ANY, a woman I had never met, could not stop talking and couldn't tolerate the fact that anyone would want to talk about anything not related to New York. I had answered the obligatory "where are you from" question with the truth and she immediately thought we were two peas in a pod, much to my chagrin. She related every conversation back to NY, dismissed any talk of pleasant local restaurants or entertainment, and often winked at me whenever she said something derogatory regarding our table mates' opinions. More than once I wanted to skulk away from the table never to return. I changed the subject numerous times and tried valiantly to engage my other dinner companions in conversation. She would snort with derision at their answers, offer her suggestion on how they could really get a life if they'd go to NY, and then change the subject back to something that suited her.
Finally, after our plates had been cleared and dinner was done one of the other diners turned to her and asked, "why don't you live in NY anymore? Why don't you go back?" She answered that she would in heartbeat but the cost of living was so high. Proceeding to go on in detail about how it was so much better than any other place on earth except for that. I told her to take it from me that she was missing out on a lot of great experiences in life and she needed to adjust her expectations. To which she replied that she had no desire to do any such thing.
She will certainly miss out on a lot because I for one won't ask her to join me anywhere and I doubt too many other people will either. I can now see why so many people are horrified after an experience with an ANY. But, I'd caution people everywhere not to judge all New Yorkers by those experiences anymore than you'd want us to judge you through an ANY's eyes. Most people love the place where they grew up - it's home to them - and if they are open to hearing all of the wonderful things about your hometown, you should be open to learning about theirs, even if it is harsh, critical, old New York.
It was supposed to be a simple dinner at an overpriced chain Chinese restaurant. (Any guesses on which one?) But, alas it turned out to be two of the more difficult hours of my life. There were four of us at the table. I had been invited by a nice man, whom I do not know well, and there were two other people there that I did not know at all. You'd think that would make for interesting conversation by the sheer fact of getting to know one another. Conversation, however, was almost impossible. The ANY, a woman I had never met, could not stop talking and couldn't tolerate the fact that anyone would want to talk about anything not related to New York. I had answered the obligatory "where are you from" question with the truth and she immediately thought we were two peas in a pod, much to my chagrin. She related every conversation back to NY, dismissed any talk of pleasant local restaurants or entertainment, and often winked at me whenever she said something derogatory regarding our table mates' opinions. More than once I wanted to skulk away from the table never to return. I changed the subject numerous times and tried valiantly to engage my other dinner companions in conversation. She would snort with derision at their answers, offer her suggestion on how they could really get a life if they'd go to NY, and then change the subject back to something that suited her.
Finally, after our plates had been cleared and dinner was done one of the other diners turned to her and asked, "why don't you live in NY anymore? Why don't you go back?" She answered that she would in heartbeat but the cost of living was so high. Proceeding to go on in detail about how it was so much better than any other place on earth except for that. I told her to take it from me that she was missing out on a lot of great experiences in life and she needed to adjust her expectations. To which she replied that she had no desire to do any such thing.
She will certainly miss out on a lot because I for one won't ask her to join me anywhere and I doubt too many other people will either. I can now see why so many people are horrified after an experience with an ANY. But, I'd caution people everywhere not to judge all New Yorkers by those experiences anymore than you'd want us to judge you through an ANY's eyes. Most people love the place where they grew up - it's home to them - and if they are open to hearing all of the wonderful things about your hometown, you should be open to learning about theirs, even if it is harsh, critical, old New York.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Lack of Blogs
I have written several things over the past few months that aren't really fit for sharing. Or they aren't at the moment anyway. So, that is where I've been - dealing with a tumultuous summer and writing things I don't wish to share. But, I decided to put this grief filled summer behind me and begin again. So, here's to a fantastic fall!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Mourning
There is a black and white picture that sits in a photo collage created by my great-grandmother. It is a picture of my grandparents, circa early 1950's. They are quite young, early 20's, if that, and they are holding each other turned slightly to the camera and they are both smiling their genuine smiles. They look very happy, like they are about to go on an adventure and all they need is each other. I have been fascinated by that photograph since I was a young girl, maybe five or six, and stayed at with my great-grandmother, Nana, for the night. I could hardly take my eyes off it and couldn't believe that those two people in the picture were my Grammie and Grandpa. I must have asked a million questions about that photograph until Nana, normally a very patient woman, said she wouldn't answer anymore questions about it. Not only is it a beautiful moment captured in time but it has always been the symbol of life for me. I grasped, in that weekend, that everyone starts out a certain way and life ages, and changes, a person. It made me dread growing older but it also made me admire my grandparents in a whole other way.
My Grandpa passed away today. It wasn't entirely unexpected but it has still left me grieving. He was amazing but also so common. He was stern, unyielding, and sometimes unkind but he was also generous, supportive, and the most positive male influence for much of my life. He believed in me when I didn't believe in myself and he always took the time, often on the sly, to let me know he thought I could do whatever it was I was doubting myself about. Some of my fondest memories of childhood center around him. Him coming home from work on an average summer day while I was playing in his front yard. Or overnights at his house and kissing him goodnight as he snored on the couch. Campouts in his backyard, jumping off the dock in New Hampshire into his waiting arms, playing wiffle ball in Massena, and learning about baseball by watching Mets games with him. So many of the things I learned before I left home I learned from him. And oh so many more he taught me once I was on my own and floundering as I tried to be a grown-up. He offered great advice and I wish I'd heeded more of it.
He was an average guy by so many standards but to me he was so much larger than his 6' frame. He didn't express love in words very easily but he knew how to give a hug that let you know you were loved. He led an admirable life if only for the fact that he's so greatly missed. He was once full of dreams, hopes, and aspirations that photograph is proof of that. But he made choices in life and altered courses for his family and did things that many didn't like and many others loved. He lived a life and made the best of it.
He helped to make me the person that I am and I will miss him, and his guidance, beyond measure.
My Grandpa passed away today. It wasn't entirely unexpected but it has still left me grieving. He was amazing but also so common. He was stern, unyielding, and sometimes unkind but he was also generous, supportive, and the most positive male influence for much of my life. He believed in me when I didn't believe in myself and he always took the time, often on the sly, to let me know he thought I could do whatever it was I was doubting myself about. Some of my fondest memories of childhood center around him. Him coming home from work on an average summer day while I was playing in his front yard. Or overnights at his house and kissing him goodnight as he snored on the couch. Campouts in his backyard, jumping off the dock in New Hampshire into his waiting arms, playing wiffle ball in Massena, and learning about baseball by watching Mets games with him. So many of the things I learned before I left home I learned from him. And oh so many more he taught me once I was on my own and floundering as I tried to be a grown-up. He offered great advice and I wish I'd heeded more of it.
He was an average guy by so many standards but to me he was so much larger than his 6' frame. He didn't express love in words very easily but he knew how to give a hug that let you know you were loved. He led an admirable life if only for the fact that he's so greatly missed. He was once full of dreams, hopes, and aspirations that photograph is proof of that. But he made choices in life and altered courses for his family and did things that many didn't like and many others loved. He lived a life and made the best of it.
He helped to make me the person that I am and I will miss him, and his guidance, beyond measure.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
"Dance Your Cares Away...
Worries for another day. Let the music play. Down in Fraggle Rock!"
So, I just heard they are making a movie out of one of my favorite television shows from my childhood - Fraggle Rock! I loved Jim Henson's creations as a kid, (Muppets anyone?) and Fraggle Rock was exceptional in my opinion. I cannot wait for this movie to come out. It is to feature puppets and people just like the original series. It supposedly will not have any computer animation either. Just old fashioned puppets.
I found this on YouTube, it's the opening scene from the television series. Now you can catch the Fraggle Rock Fever, too!
So, I just heard they are making a movie out of one of my favorite television shows from my childhood - Fraggle Rock! I loved Jim Henson's creations as a kid, (Muppets anyone?) and Fraggle Rock was exceptional in my opinion. I cannot wait for this movie to come out. It is to feature puppets and people just like the original series. It supposedly will not have any computer animation either. Just old fashioned puppets.
I found this on YouTube, it's the opening scene from the television series. Now you can catch the Fraggle Rock Fever, too!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
The New Bob
I read somewhere that there are only so many types of people in the world and you spend your life encountering those same types in different shells. It is supposedly why so many people remind you of someone you used to know. I had a friend for several years - more than 10 - named Bob. We met while we were both in college and working at Pizza Hut, became friends, tried dating, and then went back to being friends. We remained friends for many years and stayed close until a couple years ago when life took us in different directions. I've missed Bob in a lot of ways since our friendship ended but I mostly think that's because I didn't have a replacement "Bob" to fall back on. That is until now!
The "New Bob" isn't really named "Bob" but he might as well be - they are two peas in a pod. The New Bob is so much like The Old Bob that it is uncanny. They have similar senses of humor, are quick-witted, can have intelligent conversations with many tangents, know of obscure television shows to turn me onto, have no fashion sense, and rarely leave the house if they can help it. But my favorite part of The New Bob is the same thing that kept me friends with The Old Bob for so long - he finds me hilarious. You see, I sometimes have trouble finding people to be around that are similar to me in that I look for the joke to crack, the witty turn of phrase that the occasion begs for, and often say it without thinking. Not everyone enjoys that aspect of my personality and few people actually do the same and vie to get their wise-ass comment out first. I love the competition of who is funnier. Because even if I don't win I still end up laughing. The New Bob is a fierce competitor too, which keeps me on my toes.
Don't get me wrong I have several witty friends- JJ and KC immediately come to mind. However, they are both female and whilst I thoroughly enjoy spending time with them they do not have a male's mind. Men, like Old Bob and New Bob, don't usually hold back when engaged in witty repartee. Sometimes that means something that clearly needs to be said to you is said - usually quite harshly but with enough wit that you still laugh but pause to examine the point. Men with this personality are also quick to point out when other men are lame. Which is a helpful thing to have in a friend.
I like The New Bob - he's a good addition to my social circle and makes the day at work go by very quickly and humorously. Makes me glad I took this new gig and got to meet a personality I'd been missing.
The "New Bob" isn't really named "Bob" but he might as well be - they are two peas in a pod. The New Bob is so much like The Old Bob that it is uncanny. They have similar senses of humor, are quick-witted, can have intelligent conversations with many tangents, know of obscure television shows to turn me onto, have no fashion sense, and rarely leave the house if they can help it. But my favorite part of The New Bob is the same thing that kept me friends with The Old Bob for so long - he finds me hilarious. You see, I sometimes have trouble finding people to be around that are similar to me in that I look for the joke to crack, the witty turn of phrase that the occasion begs for, and often say it without thinking. Not everyone enjoys that aspect of my personality and few people actually do the same and vie to get their wise-ass comment out first. I love the competition of who is funnier. Because even if I don't win I still end up laughing. The New Bob is a fierce competitor too, which keeps me on my toes.
Don't get me wrong I have several witty friends- JJ and KC immediately come to mind. However, they are both female and whilst I thoroughly enjoy spending time with them they do not have a male's mind. Men, like Old Bob and New Bob, don't usually hold back when engaged in witty repartee. Sometimes that means something that clearly needs to be said to you is said - usually quite harshly but with enough wit that you still laugh but pause to examine the point. Men with this personality are also quick to point out when other men are lame. Which is a helpful thing to have in a friend.
I like The New Bob - he's a good addition to my social circle and makes the day at work go by very quickly and humorously. Makes me glad I took this new gig and got to meet a personality I'd been missing.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Outside Adventures
So, I was able to leave the house finally! All of my pox scabbed over so I am no longer contagious. Nothing really exciting happened I am just joyous that I got to go OUT! Still feel like I have the flu but I should be over that in a few days - a week tops. Feeling better is the greatest!
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